


Other Plane

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Series: Transversal [33]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Betrayal, Deaths, Deaths deaths deaths, I am concerned about you, I'll be putting updates here from now on, I'm alive, M/M, Murder, Please don't read this on a bad day, Read my notes?, Read the previous parts first! :), Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-11-08 13:29:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11082567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: The perspective of someone simple, ordinary, unremarkable, and insignificant to all of you. || His name is Hinata Hajime. Hinata Hajime is like an urban legend among the Reserve Course. Some don’t believe that that guy even exists because they think there's no way Hope’s Peak will do something like that. Why not though? Because it’s unfair?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Project Hope Log#8: https://justpaste.it/17h1f
> 
> I'm so sorry for not updating for so long... I've been seeing this person since 2015 (the one who inspired me to write my one and only long-ass fluff fic without anything going horribly wrong by the end lol; it's over here if you're curious: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5415674), and whatever relationship we had ended a few months ago. I took this too hardly and was unable to write, and the moment I felt that I could write again, the university decided to murder me. I'm back though. Thank you for understanding :)
> 
> (I do hope that you're not reading this as you mentioned that you sometimes stalk my AO3. But if ever you are, I want to tell you to please don't blame yourself. I'm really okay now.)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!!! It's different from the usual, but I hope you give it a chance. It's a part of this universe... Next update, we'll be going back to how we usually run things here. No more disappearing acts from me as there's no one to dump me anymore HAHAHAHA
> 
> [Also, I need your advice, guys. I feel guilty continuing to tag this as Komahina because of... you know... obvious reasons. It used to be fine with me because there's the Hope Log which is really Komahina, but this chapter's Hope Log... doesn't have much of that... I still tagged it as such because it's how people find updates, and I'm worried that some readers who are waiting for the updates won't find out if I just suddenly stopped tagging? What should I do? ;;]

I'm just a simple person. Nothing about me makes me stand out. If you throw me in a crowd, I’ll just get drowned in the sea of people. It’d be better if you tie me up to you if you don’t want to get separated. After all, once you lose me in a group of people, you'll never find me again.

 

Probably.

 

Maybe I should bleach my hair. That would help me stand out, at least. I just hate that people with bleached hair suddenly fall to the stereotype that they're delinquents. As far as I know, I'm not a delinquent. I mean, like I said, I'm just a simple person. I go to a simple school, interact with my simple classmates, listen to our simple lessons by our simple teachers, go home to my simple family… every single simple day. It just goes on and on.

 

I got in this simple school thinking that it’s not so simple. After all, I go to Hope’s Peak Academy. It’s the most prestigious school in the whole country. They say that if you graduate from here, you're sure to be successful in life.

 

There's a catch though.

 

Hope’s Peak Academy is divided into two. The main course and the Reserve Course. Or as I’d like to call it, the extraordinary course and the simple course. You probably already guessed it—someone simple like me would obviously end up in the Reserve Course.

 

I'm not very intelligent, but I know I'm not stupid either. That’s why I can see that right now, we’re all just going to Hope’s Peak Academy by name. After all, the only thing we have in common with the main course is that we both go to ‘Hope’s Peak’, but when you look at everything, you'll see that everything else is different.

 

Basically, we’re like a bootleg Hope’s Peak Academy. A low budget version. Hoop’s Peck… Haha. Haha… Yeah, it’s so pathetic, but I have to keep things humorous if I want to mentally survive. After all, everyone’s goal here is to get in the main course, and we’re all giving our hardest every single day. Always operating on max power can get really taxing too, especially when everyone around you is aspiring to have the same thing, and winning might mean someone else losing their chance.

 

So you know, it’s not unheard of here to just see someone excelling suddenly down with an injury or something. That, or suddenly, they’ll have this freaky scandal that will lead to them being expelled. You know, like, when you trap a bunch of crabs in a place, and someone climbs far enough, then suddenly, they’ll be pulled by everyone else and get stepped on by the others to get higher? But since it’s a cycle, once those who pulled that first crab gets far enough, they too will get pulled down. And get stepped on.

 

It’s so sad, but we’re just like a bunch of crabs trapped in an upright cylindrical container called the Reserve Course.

 

Hey, if someone topples down the container and makes it so that it’d be lying horizontally on the floor, it would make it easier for everyone to get out, right?

 

Everyone’s working so hard. There are even a few—very few, very rare—altruistic ones who’ll help out their friends to excel too so that they might get in the main course together. I think, at this point, we all deserve to finally be set free, even the ones who did horrible things. They all did that because they're desperate. They all did that because they wanted to get out, because they thought it was the right thing to do at that moment. Hey, do you think if we all push our hardest, the container will eventually topple down on our own power?

 

That’s why, you know, I really hate this one guy. I hate him. Just the thought of him makes me want to break something. Actually, everyone probably feels the same. We’re all suffering here and giving everything we can give—and not just us, our parents too, because not all of us here are rich—but there's this one guy who just skipped all that process and was suddenly in the main course before everything even began. I don’t know why he of all people got picked. All Hope’s Peak knows about us prior all this was our middle school grades and a couple of information from a couple of interviews we had. I wonder what the hell that guy did to get picked. But all I know is that I hate him.

 

His name is Hinata Hajime. Hinata Hajime is like an urban legend among the Reserve Course. Some don’t believe that that guy even exists because they think there's no way Hope’s Peak will do something like that. Why not though? Because it’s unfair? I think sometimes those people forget that the mere existence of the Reserve Course is unfair.

 

Hahaha, right? I sound so serious, it’s gross. God, I'm gonna lose my mind if I stay being this serious. Right, so do you want to hear a joke? Okay. What is the sound of a dog falling from a building?

 

Say ‘what’.

 

You said what, right?

 

The sound is… ‘DOG!’

 

Hahaha, I'm so funny. God, that was so good.

 

Anyway, Hinata Hajime. I know Hinata Hajime exists. I actually was scheduled on the same day of the interviews as him. I was in the morning batch though, and he was in the afternoon. He came too early, and that’s why I managed to see him. I was the last person to be interviewed for the morning batch, so when I saw a guy already waiting outside after I'm done, I told him to come back later because the staff is going to take their lunch for now. He thanked me, and I caught a glimpse of the student information paper in his hand.

 

It said his name was Hinata Hajime.

 

Maybe I should have just told him that the interviews were cancelled that day so that he missed his. That way, he’d be here in this cylinder with us instead of having the time of his life in the main course. I hate him so much. He doesn’t know suffering.

 

You know what? I hope he's having a hard time in the main course.

 

Shaking off those thoughts, I sigh as I walk towards the campus. Another simple day in my simple life. I hope something even just slightly interesting happens today aside from random disappearing classmates. Haha, doesn’t that sound like a magic trick? For my next trick: give it up for ‘Random Disappearing Classmates’!

 

I’ve been so absorbed in my imaginary magic show that I bumped into someone. I fall on my butt—god, suddenly, this doesn’t feel like something a magician would do—and looked up.

 

And then and there, I saw the magic trick of my life.

 

Then and there, I saw a goddess.

 

Oh, my god.

 

I did ask for something different to happen, but I'm not ready to get whisked away to a different dimension.

 

The goddess had long strawberry blonde hair and wide blue eyes. She was wearing a white floral dress with a small dark brown ribbon in the middle stomach part. And I think… I think I already saw her somewhere before.

 

But she can’t possibly be from here. I mean, I’ll definitely remember seeing someone who looks like her in this place, and there's no way someone this beautiful belongs to this place of simple people. Someone who possesses this kind of beauty… has to be a Super High School Level for sure one way or another.

 

“Hello.” She greets, grinning. “Do you think I look innocent?”

 

“Uh…” Ah, this is it. I’ll really get whisked away to a different dimension. If I say yes, she’ll tell me to come with her. If I say no, she’ll force me to come with her. Maybe. I think my imagination is running too wild, being stuck in this simple place for too long, because I encountered something that isn’t simple. “…Yes?”

 

“Perfect! You know, like, someone who looks innocent is supposed to be here instead of me, but he's, like, busy.” She rolls her eyes. “Busy because his boyfriend is missing, busy because his boyfriend won’t reply to his texts and won’t answer his calls. Man, don’t you think that’s such a terrible reason to run away from your duties? So I thought I should try emulating his innocence, but I got, like, colic just by thinking about acting the way he does all the time! What he does is actually kind of admirably gross!”

 

“You can get colic from that…?”

 

“Of course! Pain isn’t real, you know. It’s just made up by, like, the media to control us. So I can get colic from anything anytime just because I want to! Hell, I can even grow a dick at will!”

 

“Um…” My worldviews are being challenged in an increasingly alarming speed. We haven’t even been talking for a full minute yet. Amazing. “Seriously?”

 

“If you believe in us so much, why not accept us as your lord and savior? Bow down to us, mortal!” She stands proudly, placing her hands on her waist. “If you do, we shall think about rewarding you with salvation during the end, eternal life, and some of our homemade cooking!”

 

…She's undeniably nuts.

 

But she's so beautiful, and she might be the first non-simple thing I have seen this up close.

 

And so I do bow down.

 

\--

 

“So, um… what's your name? I still don’t know what to call you.” I ask when we were comfortably seated on the rooftop. It’s my first time to ever skip classes in my entire life. I have perfect attendance, and I'm never late to class. Actually, I usually show up at least an hour early. That way, if ever it happens that there's homework that I didn’t do—which is actually really unlikely, but you'll never know—I’ll have plenty of time to do something about it.

 

“Aww, I was wondering when you'd ask, you know! When you see a cute girl, the first thing that you're supposed to do is ask her name! Don’t forget that, okay!?” The sunlight makes her strawberry blonde hair seem a little pinkish… almost like salmon. I haven’t had salmon in a while. “Anyway, since you didn’t ask right away, you missed your chance to know! It’s like a one-time take-it-or-leave-it offer! So now, you'll have to deal with calling me Goddess.”

 

Well… That’s actually fine. She does look like one anyway, even up close. They say that beautiful things are better to view from a distance because then their flaws and imperfections won’t be visible. They say that as one gets closer, beauty gets tarnished more. But she's… obviously proof that that doesn’t necessarily have to be true all the time.

 

“Okay, Goddess.”

 

“Kyaa, say that again!”

 

“Um… Goddess.”

 

“Kyaa!” She places her palms on her own cheeks and grins at me. “When you say that, I feel like you actually get a little attractive. Looks like it’s a magic word!”

 

Oh… Me? Attractive?

 

Well, of course, sometimes I think I'm attractive, but sometimes I think I'm ugly too. Like everyone else does. Goddess, however—I think it would make sense if she were to think every single day that she is beautiful. Because she really is.

 

“Thank you, I guess.”

 

She sighs, a frown on her face. “Do you believe me…?”

 

“Well…” Not really. Her frown though… “Of course I do.”

 

“No, you don’t… Liar…” She sighs again. I feel like each time she sighs, the air gets heavier. “You don’t believe me…”

 

“Well, sorry… It’s not because there's something wrong with _you_. I just find it difficult to believe that someone as beautiful as you would think I'm attractive.”

 

“Fucking shove it!” I actually get literally taken aback by my surprise. She just suddenly yelled. “You don’t goddamn believe me because I'm beautiful? What kind of shit is that for an excuse!? Like what the fuck?”

 

“I'm really sorry! That’s not what I meant. I'm just—I don’t think I'm attractive, so I'm having a difficult time accepting that you complimented me, especially since you're so pretty just like an actual goddess. Sorry, I didn’t put across my point properly…”

 

“Hmm…” She crosses her arms as if thinking hard. “Interesting.”

 

“Do you believe me now? I'm really sorry.”

 

“Well, fucking whatever! Anyway, are you up for a super duper fun game!? Say yes, say yes, say yes, say yes!”

 

“Well… yes.”

 

“Excellent. Basically, we alternate asking questions to each other a total of twenty-one times. That is all. You begin.”

 

Basically… twenty-one questions?

 

“Then…” I clear my throat. “What really is your name?”

 

She smiles. “Otonashi Ryoko. Is the name Hinata Hajime familiar to you?”

 

She didn’t even delay. It’s like she's been thinking of that question right from the start. Hinata Hajime—I admit that I never ever expected to hear that name right now of all times. I mean, I did say that he's a pretty big deal here in this simple place, but nobody actually really goes around starting a conversation about him.

 

“Yes, it is.” I reply. “Why do you know that name?”

 

“I'm from the main course. Duh.” She says. I already expected that, but I was still surprised. It’s not like it’s every day that I meet somebody from the main course. If anything, those people sound like mythical creatures. They're people who are the greatest in their field. Honestly, I can’t imagine being someone like that no matter what kind of effort I exert. “So what do you know about him?”

 

“He's… Well, all I know is that he's supposed to be a Reserve Course Student who got chosen to skip all this process and just go straight to the main course. And if someone from the main course like you knows about him, then…” I bite my lower lip. “Is Hinata Hajime really in the main course?”

 

Is this how this game is supposed to be? Aren’t we supposed to be asking each other interesting questions like ‘ _What's your ideal perfect date?_ ’ or ‘ _What do you look for in a partner?_ ’

 

“Well,” She hums. “Yes, he is. Is he well-known here in the Reserve Course?”

 

I feel like I have so many things I want to ask her, but I don’t know which question to prioritize. This information though—it really makes my blood boil. That bastard really easily got everything all of us here had to work hard for. “I guess you could say that… All of us here know of a ‘Hinata Hajime’, though there are people who doubt his existence. What Super High School Level Title was given to him?”

 

“He didn’t receive a title. How about you? Do you believe in his existence?”

 

“Yes, I do. I met him personally once.” There's a sick feeling in my gut. “What do you mean he didn’t receive a title?”

 

“We meant it as it is, mortal! Simple and plain! Something even your mortal brain can decipher!” She puts a hand on her waist. “Hope’s Peak decided that the creature Hinata Hajime deserved to be in the main course even without a title! So tell me, dear mortal, does this revelation spark anger in you?”

 

I feel sick. I really feel sick. “…A-Are you serious?”

 

“I believe you failed to answer our question.” She crosses her arms, and I immediately feel goosebumps all over my skin as I see her smile. “But don’t worry. I think your face is enough of an answer. Anyway…”

 

She jumps to the railing, her arms outstretched to her sides.

 

“…Stop it, you'll fall.” I force out.

 

As if on cue, the wind comes, her hair and dress flowing because of it. I'm not the one on the railing, but there's a deep discomfort in my stomach because of watching her—I feel like the wind will bring her away, will make her fall to the firm and cold concrete below, and I’ll never see her ever again.

 

I want to pull her away from the railing, but I'm scared that if I do, I’ll do something wrong and accidentally push her instead.

 

So I stand there, unable to move, as she speaks.

 

“It’s up to you if I'm serious or not.” Her voice was something that I would never forget. “So what do you think?”

 

I think…

 

I think, now that I think about it, I don’t care if she's serious or not.

 

I kinda… just want to get out of this simple life already.

 

\--

 

People died.

 

I didn’t say the whole truth earlier, but I guess I should now.

 

People died. Those who get injured or get expelled are lucky in comparison. After all, there are those who'll go missing for a couple of days, only to be found dead in a random sewer somewhere. And even those people are relatively lucky. Since there are those who go missing and aren’t found up until now.

 

At first, it bothered me. I was terrified like any other simple person would be, of course. I even contemplated just transferring schools and accepting the inherent normalcy that I had—

 

As it went on, though, it just became a usual occurrence, a part of our simple lives. Oh, you ranked highest in a difficult quiz? You better know any form of self-defense. You should probably start buying a taser too or something.

 

Oh, you say you're safe because the teacher uses a student number system for confidentiality? Man, it would be a shame if someone stole a list of the corresponding student numbers and tracks you down anyway. Let’s also hope you told no one, not even your childhood friend from elementary school.

 

I wasn’t always like this. I guess I could say I was a much better person back then than I am now. Deaths reported on television made my stomach turn, especially if it involved something especially gruesome. I would think of that person who lost their life—what they could have been thinking in their final moments, the things they aspired to reach when they were still alive, and their loved ones—but somewhere along the line, I guess I just stopped caring.

 

Maybe it’s because it became as common as hearing the daily weather report. Maybe it’s because it’s too close to us for it to feel real since we’re too used to simple things. I don’t really know. There's just something about talking to, let’s say, your seatmate, and oh, surprise, I heard your seatmate got in an unfortunate accident recently. You know, I heard he was biking on the way home, and he just fell. A hundred percent accident. I heard he’ll never walk again.

 

You know our student council president? Wow, she's been getting noticed by the teachers recently, isn’t she? I heard rumors that she leads so well she might be given the chance to apply her leadership skills with main course students. Wait, what do you mean she cheated on last week’s exams? The teachers found out, you say? She's getting expelled? That’s unfortunate.

 

Man, I heard you were the highest in that last quiz we had. Rumors say that that was the same set of questions that even students of the main course fail to pass. That’s probably just a rumor though, but damn, think of it for a while. You performed well in something that main course students might find difficult. Even if they're just rumors, it makes you feel good, doesn’t it?

 

Well, at least it made me feel good.

 

Haha, when you found out that the teacher announced the grades by student number, you didn’t worry about performing a disappearing act yourself because only you and your childhood friend from elementary know about your student number anyway. That time, no one else tried stealing teachers’ copies, so you didn’t worry about that possibility.

 

You go home with your childhood friend that day. You noticed that he was a little quieter than the usual. That’s what made you worried instead of whatever possible danger might embrace you. After all, a few days back, he confided to you that he's losing hope—he said he's starting to feel like he's meant to be trapped in the Reserve Course forever. Of course, you're not really safe from that kind of doubts too since you're a Reserve Course Student yourself, but you tried your best to reassure him.

 

So you're worried that he might be thinking of that again since he's being so quiet.

 

Your worry turned to fear to hurt when your friend—the one that has always been with you for as long as you could remember, the one who knows everything about you, the one who has supported you in everything you wanted to do—tried to stab you in the eye with a pen.

 

You evaded, but it was a close call. You really could have permanently lost your sight for a moment there.

 

He continues trying to attack you—he called you a traitor, a selfish traitor, I thought we’d always be helping out each other, but really, you can’t wait to get out of this place on your own, can you, you're a traitor, you're only thinking of yourself, you're a terrible person, I trusted you, you never really cared about me—and at some point, you don’t even know when, he just pulled out a pair of scissors from somewhere on his clothes.

 

That was when you realized that he was determined to kill you.

 

All because you were better than him.

 

So you decided to stay better.

 

You decided you couldn’t let yourself die.

 

You kill your friend of more than ten years because maybe that’s what you are—a traitor, a selfish traitor, you said you'd always be helping him out, but really, you probably can’t wait to get out of this place on your own, can you, you're a traitor, you're only thinking of yourself, you're a terrible person, he trusted you, you never really cared about him, did you—

 

Haha, whatever, I sound so serious again! It really doesn’t suit me! Are you in the mood to hear another joke?

 

Let’s see what I have.

 

Oh, I got one!

 

What is the similarity between my classmates and a phone?

 

Say ‘what’.

 

You said ‘what’, didn’t you?

 

Okay.

 

Well, if you don’t see one for a couple of days…

 

It’s probably dead.

 

\--

 

People died.

 

People died, and some guy got accepted in the main course without even doing anything.

 

\--

 

I don’t see the goddess for a day. Then that day turned into a week.

 

Maybe I really just dreamed that whole day, but my records are undoubtedly showing that I was absent that time.

 

Ah, I wonder if I stayed home that day. Maybe I was just asleep the entire time. Maybe I was so frustrated with myself that I came up with the imaginary existence of someone that I’ll never get to interact with normally. Hah, I can’t believe this is how sad I am.

 

This is bad.

 

Even if she's probably nothing but a figment of imagination, I still can’t help but look out the window from time to time…

 

Which doesn’t really do anything since I don’t even sit next to the window.

 

I think I'm just looking for the sake of looking.

 

This is bad.

 

I'm not paying as much attention to the teacher as I usually do.

 

There's just… something about her.

 

I wish I could see her again.

 

\--

 

“Hello. I'm here again.”

 

It was a day after that when I saw the goddess again, at the same time when I first saw her. My first thought was that I wanted to touch her—I wanted to make sure that she was something tangible, something real—

 

But I kept my hands to myself. I probably don’t have the right to do that.

 

Today, she has her hair in two loose braided pigtails. She was wearing a sequined black tube top, a short leather skirt, and a white cardigan with weird pastel pink and blue shapes. She's already really tall, and she still decided to use stilettos that have spikes behind… She can probably murder someone with those.

 

She can murder me with those, and I’d let her.

 

Probably.

 

“…Hi.” My excitement was just like how it was when I first saw her. If anything, right now might be even more intense. “It’s been a while. I was worried I’d never see you again.”

 

“Aww, you missed me?” She lifts an eyebrow. “I was looking for other people to befriend here. I gotta be a benevolent goddess or something, you know. Can’t give one person all the blessings. But I'm back because I realized that you're the most interesting.”

 

“…Me?”

 

“Come on, don’t make me regret my choice! I stayed up for, like, thirty hours a day cutely pouting on my desk because I was thinking long and hard about this, you know!” She pouts. “Now, since I chose you, you have to be entertaining. Let’s go back to that cute rooftop, okay? It’d be like a cute date!”

 

“Thirty hours…” That’s not what I meant to say. I meant to ask about the ‘date’ part. But whatever I choose to talk about, it doesn’t matter because she interrupts me and pulls me by the hand.

 

I'm gonna get whisked away again to another dimension, and to be honest, I’d want that.

 

\--

 

“So, um…” She's playing on the railing again. I decide to shift my eyes to the ground because staring at her play there makes me feel like I'm the one who's going to fall anytime. “What did you mean when you said that I was the most interesting?”

 

“You're still thinking about that…” She turns around and sighs. “You're not used to hearing things like that, are you… How despair-inducing…”

 

“Um…”

 

“Don’t worry, it’s fine… I’ll give you all the validation you need…” She looks straight to my eyes. My heart won’t stop beating fast. “Because I… I see how remarkable you are… I'm so proud of you… It makes me despair so much that you can’t even see that you're working so hard…”

 

I can’t take my eyes away from hers. And the words she's saying—this is really pathetic, but it’s been a while since I heard those...

 

The last person who told me those things is gone now.

 

I killed him.

 

“You can tell me anything… You deserve to have someone you can lean on when you need it… someone who can celebrate with you when you make progress instead of pulling you down…”

 

She jumps off and walks towards me. She cups my face with her hands. “Don’t cry.”

 

This is really pathetic. I didn’t even know I'm already crying.

 

“Shhh.” She runs her fingers through my hair. “You're not alone anymore.”

 

I couldn’t stop crying.

 

I told her everything—I want to get out of here, just go to another place, but I can’t. I won’t be able to handle the thought that I tried to get in Hope’s Peak and failed just because I gave up. I told her that I'm trying to remove myself from everything, but I'm actually really scared. I have to balance my performance; I can’t be too good, or they’ll try to bring me down. I can’t be too bad, or I might permanently lose my chance.

 

I told her about the fear of not being able to trust anyone. Not your long-time friend, your seatmate, the class representative that gets along with everyone—no one. You'll never know when they’ll try to do something to you if ever you stand out even just slightly.

 

I told her that I hate having to look behind me in fear whenever I hear a sound, that I hate waking up to the littlest sounds at night because I feel like it could be anyone trying to attack me. And I couldn’t tell anyone because there's no proof for the things that already happened, and there's nothing to say about something that hasn’t happened yet.

 

And I'm scared that if I tell someone, they'd know about what I did too.

 

I'm not ready to get caught. I'm not ready to be one of those who got expelled too because of information that could ruin them.

 

I told her about what I did.

 

I told her about the fear of all that being not worth it in the end.

 

She just listened to me. She let me cry without making me feel bad about it.

 

I completely forgot… that I needed someone like her in my life.

 

I need her in my life.

 

\--

 

The goddess doesn’t show up every day, but that just makes me yearn for her presence more.

 

The next time I see her was three days later, and she still looked as beautiful as ever. She had her hair in a low side ponytail, and she was wearing a clip of a large red and white ribbon.

 

Seriously, I think I already saw her before…

 

“The fuck are ya starin’ at!?” She points at me. “Ya wanna go!?”

 

“No! Sorry… I just really like looking at you.”

 

“What-fucking-ever! Let’s go! I’ve some damn, damn important thing to say.”

 

I follow her to the rooftop. That rooftop—I’ve learned to associate it with good things. Nobody else really goes there, and I only do when I have the goddess with me. I’ve learned to identify it as the place we use to spend time together…

 

I think it’s my most favorite part of the school.

 

\--

 

“Alright, allow me to cut to the chase.” The goddess says as soon as we reach the rooftop. “There is a reason why I am always here, and I have decided to let you know now what that is.”

                                                                                  

‘I'm looking for souls I can trap in the other world.’ If she says that, I probably won’t mind.

 

“What is it…?”

 

“It is our plan to let all the existing Reserve Course Students get noticed by the administrators of the main course. As soon as possible.” She says. “I have been conducting observations and have concluded that everyone here is worthy.”

 

My back immediately feels hot.

 

…What? Did I hear that correctly?

 

“I know you're shocked, but you have to get over it quickly, darling. Tonight, you have to go to the Reserve Course’s auditorium, okay? Everyone else will be there and some of my super dear friends.” She smiles. “We’ll tell you what to do there. We came up with a good plan that would work.”

 

…I don’t know why, but I kinda want to bow down!

 

“Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you—”

 

“Shhh, it’s fine, it’s fine! No need to thank me! Just your happy smile is enough!” She grins, flashing me a thumbs-up. “See you tonight, okay? Don’t forget! We start at eight!”

 

My heart won’t stop beating fast.

 

I'm convinced that she really was sent to change my life forever.

 

\--

 

The goddess said we start at eight, but out of habit, I already show up at seven. Of course, there are a lot of other people already here too. I'm not the only one with that habit.

 

I can feel the excitement in the room. The goddess must have talked to them too. She talked to everyone here… and she still decided that I was the most interesting.

 

I wonder what made me stand out.

 

Maybe I didn’t need to bleach my hair, after all, haha.

 

I take a seat, and I watch as more and more people arrive. I recognize some, especially those that are from my class. I smile at some of them because we all like doing that—to act like everything is normal even if they're probably planning to literally stab you in the back later.

 

There are so many people in the auditorium right now, just like how it would be during the first day of school.

 

I'm kinda… nervous.

 

I can’t see the goddess anywhere.

 

The clock strikes eight, but nothing still happens. The murmurs in the room seem to have gotten louder. What's going on? I can’t see her nor anyone that might be from the main course. I mean, she did mention that her ‘friends’ will be here…

 

Everybody starts to look more uncomfortable, but nobody gets up to leave.

 

I understand… After all, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

…Though I can’t deny that I'm starting to feel really anxious.

 

Something feels wrong.

 

Five minutes pass.

 

And another five minutes.

 

And another five minutes.

 

I'm starting to think everything was just a joke, but it won’t fit. I mean, it was the goddess who told me about it, and I'm assuming it was her who told everyone too… I don’t think she’d do something as cruel as to trick us about this, especially since she knows how seriously we treat this matter…

 

I was starting to consider just leaving when suddenly, we hear a sound.

 

“Hello? Hello?” This is starting to get really creepy. We hear a cracking voice coming from the speakers in the room. “Oh, it’s working. Sorry I'm late, haha! I was taking care of something. I'm a little preoccupied these days, to be honest… It’s really irresponsible of me, I think everyone might be a little upset with me…”

 

Whoever was speaking sighs. They're not saying anything bad, but I don’t know. I… I feel really uncomfortable.

 

“I'm lucky that everyone’s so kind. Especially you guys. I know that you guys are busy too, but I had you handle everything when I should be present too. I'm sorry. I’d give you guys a proper shout out and everything, but I guess that’s inappropriate to do right now. Good job though! I can feel that they really loved you.” They clear their throat. “Anyway, welcome! Thank you for attending tonight! I was scared that there wouldn’t be a lot of people, so I really appreciate it.”

 

Something about this whole deal feels really shady. The goddess isn’t even around. I want to go, but for some reason, I'm not getting up from my chair.

 

“Anyway, you all are here because we’re going to talk about how to get each and every one of you get noticed by the main course administrators. We understand that you’ve been through a lot… It’s frustrating to work every day without there being a seeming end in sight. So I'm not going to make you guys wait longer. Let’s start.” The projector turns on, and it flashes an image of what looks like a… gymnasium? Auditorium? I'm not sure, but it’s a huge place.

 

Despite being such a big place, there were only a few students inside. At first look—I couldn’t count right away—I think they're probably not more than twenty.

 

I'm really starting to feel scared. Something about this feels wrong.

 

_“Hello? Mic test?”_

Someone in the video speaks, and it sounds like the person talking to us too. They're obviously using a voice changer which makes everything even shadier.

 

_“Hey… Do you guys hear me?”_

The students in the video look like they must be looking at whoever’s speaking. They look excited. I don’t know anything about what's going on in the video because there wasn’t even just a short introduction to give us context, but they must be attending something they're really looking forward to.

 

I wonder if that’s how we looked too earlier.

 

They continue talking, and they're really weird. I don’t know. They talk like the person who greeted us too. It’s creepy. Everyone in the video starts to look confused, and they started murmuring to each other too when whoever’s speaking apparently decided to show up. The camera angle only shows the students, so I don’t know what they look like.

 

_“I'm here! Nice to meet you all. My name is Monokuma. I’ll be your host for this leadership training. Depending on you all, I could accompany you until Sunday. I’ll be looking forward to how you guys will perform!”_

 

Monokuma… doesn’t sound like a real name at all.

 

The murmurs get louder.

 

_“This school is filled with students of hope. And among these students, there are, of course, their leaders. Those leaders are capable of leading everyone to greatness, to the hope that everyone wants to achieve, by taking the initiative and being great examples. And that is why…”_

There was a cracking sound that makes me get goosebumps. Whoever was speaking then giggles—they started to sound really differently, I guess they stopped with the voice changer—

 

_“That is why all of you should take the initiative and die.”_

My heart started to hurt. The goosebumps won’t go away.

 

What the fuck?

 

Everyone else in the room started to curse, and I see people angrily getting up from their seats. I wish I could do the same, but I'm frozen to my seat. What the fuck are we watching? This is just a scripted joke, isn’t it? A social experiment?

 

The people who stood up started to walk towards the door. They must have already finalized that this is a waste of time.

 

A waste of time that’s possibly dangerous—

 

Something explodes. People scream out of surprise—I did too—and suddenly, there was the smell of smoke.

 

My heartbeat just went even faster as I saw what happened.

 

Those people—my classmates—

 

—Their bodies are scattered on the floor.

 

The video paused, and we hear a sigh again.

 

“I can’t believe I forgot again. They say we shouldn’t make the same mistake twice. I feel really embarrassed now...” My blood is boiling. How can this person sound so casual? “If you try to leave, that will happen to you too. But don’t worry, I don’t blame you. I guess it’s really a normal reaction. The people from the main course did the same thing, after all. I guess, when it comes down to it, you all are just the same.”

 

People are starting to curse at whoever’s speaking, but like me, none of them are moving from their chairs.

 

Pathetic.

 

This is pathetic.

 

We’re all pathetic.

 

“Let’s just watch in peace, okay?”

 

I'm shaking. Like hell can I watch in peace!

 

“Oh…” The voice speaks again, and the video doesn’t resume. “This is really terrible timing, but I think I have to go. I feel bad that I seem to be slacking off so much recently, but can you take over? You know that we haven’t talked in weeks, and he actually wants to meet right now. I hope you understand. Because you know, I wasn’t happy about being ignored.”

 

What the fuck is going on?

 

“God, I'm so fucking annoyed!” The same voice suddenly shouts that I had to cover my ears. “But fuck it, I’ll be the better person—yeah, right, damn that shit! Anyway, just goddamn watch this thing, you bastards!”

 

I don’t know anything anymore. My head hurts.

 

The video resumes.

 

_“So go ahead! Be everyone’s leaders to despair. I mean, if you can lead others to hope, then you can surely lead others to despair too, right? So please just kill each other already.”_

 

The people in the video and we, the ones watching, seem to share the same terrified and enraged reaction.

 

A boy from the group says something and starts to walk to the door. I wanted to tell him to stop, to just stay where he is, because I already know what will happen because of that offhanded comment from earlier.

 

Just like what happened here just earlier, an explosion was heard in the video.

 

The person starts talking casually. They even had the nerve to giggle here and there. Suddenly, there were weapons on the floor, and whatever bad thing I'm feeling just worsened.

 

…This probably isn’t real.

 

I'm just dreaming of things again because I badly want to get out of my simple life.

 

I'm just making things up again.

 

Maybe I should think of a joke.

 

This isn’t real.

 

I try to think of something else even as my eyes won’t leave the screen. Everyone in the video looks scared. And they started accusing each other, screaming at each other, and the person who was speaking earlier just remained calm.

 

This isn’t real.

 

They started telling everyone that they have to kill each other or else all of them will die.

 

This isn’t real.

 

They start picking up weapons, turning on each other, attacking each other. They start dying one by one.

 

I can’t take this anymore.

 

I close my eyes.

 

At least he isn’t here. It could be worse. If he's here, he won’t be taking any of this well. He’d be one of those people who ran towards the exit. I’d watch him die in front of my eyes—

 

Which isn’t different from the truth. What am I thinking?

 

I can’t hear anything but cries and screams and curses. Yet no one dared to run towards the exit again.

 

When the video stopped, I realized that I might be crying too.

 

“Goddamn!” The voice shouts again. “Now that’s what I call fucking art! Oozing with so much dang quality, so good that I shat my pants from hell! Gyahahaha! Seriously, bastards, it’s fucking rude that y’all would try to leave when we’re showing you something good! You can sell all your damn organs, and you still won’t find shit this gold!”

 

Make it stop.

 

“Good instincts, everyone. It’s obvious you can recognize that what you saw is one hundred percent real. You're all so, so cool. I think I might be even in love or something.” Stop it. “Mhm, let’s play then? What do you say?”

 

The only reply they got was a ‘ _let us fucking leave_ ’!

 

“Oh, well, I guess you're not in the mood, huh? That’s such a bummer. Ugh, seriously, people are so boring nowadays. I'm so bored I think my feet are gonna fall off and start walking to a better place!” Why won’t it stop? “Anyway, since you babies are not in the mood, I’ll just continue blabbing and blabbing. What you just watched right now is—drum roll, please—the main course’s student council! Say it with me!

 

“Awww, whatever, it’s so uncute how uncooperative you guys are! Can’t you guys act just a little bit cuter or something? You guys hurt my eyes!”

 

If this is what it means to get out of my simple life, then—

 

“A-ny-way! My point is that this cute event right here happened in Hope’s Peak not too long ago! Heehee, that’s right! You didn’t hear wrong! Should I say it again? This happened in Hope’s Peak! In Hope’s Peak! In Hooope’s Peeeak!”

 

—I want my simple life back.

 

“But did you hear any of that in the news…? You didn’t, did you…? That’s sad…” They sigh. “You know why…? Hope’s Peak chose to hide it from mainstream media… Maybe you'll find some results if you search hard enough on the Internet… I mean, angry relatives will be angry, after all… but you won’t find any well-known sources posting it that it would look like nothing but a stupid conspiracy theory… Who’d believe a number of unimportant people over something as big as Hope’s Peak, right…?

 

“Gyahahaha! That’s fucking right! The Hope’s Peak that y’all get off too so much did that! Damn, is it worth it? I mean, you goddamn throw your money at Hope’s Peak, right? How much was it again? Triple the usual? Fuck, man! Not worth it!”

 

I want to cover my ears. Some of the people inside the auditorium are shouting at whoever’s speaking. I wish I could do the same instead of freezing like this.

 

I want to cover my ears.

 

“So, so! I know how to get Hope’s Peak to notice you! Mhm, are you curious? Don’t worry, I won’t keep it a secret! Listen closely, this is, like, a really rare life hack!”

 

It could be worse. He could be here. At least he isn’t here.

 

“There were just a few of them! But you—you're many! There's strength in numbers! If you all kill yourselves now, Hope’s Peak won’t be able to hide something like that anymore! Your families won’t accept it! After all, you paid so, so much money, right?” They laugh. I don’t see what's funny. “That’s how you'll get noticed by the administration! All of you! Every single one—they're gonna have to know your names!”

 

I don’t want to die.

 

I don’t want to die.

 

“Hey, at least, if you kill yourself, you hold power that way! It’s way better than running to the exit and spilling your guts everywhere or something! So come on!”

 

Just like in the video, weapons start to come from somewhere. In this case, it was from the stage.

 

Knives, spears, maces—

 

A pair of scissors falls in front of me.

 

I almost laughed out loud.

 

This was all a trick, wasn’t it? The goddess wasn’t a goddess. She tricked me. She tricked us.

 

I was stupid. We were all stupid.

 

“Kill yourselves, everyone! Do it for justice—or whatever fucking ideals you have!”

 

“Like hell we’re going to kill ourselves!” Someone shouts. I look at who it was. Someone from another class whose name I don’t know. She's really brave for doing this. I envy her. “We’re not just gonna do what you want us to do!”

 

“Awww, your rejection just excites my heart more!” They giggle again. “This tsundere phenomenon has really gotten out of hand, heehee! People always, always play hard to get nowadays! But whatever, if you guys prefer to explode, I’d respect that! Though to be honest, that’s way less cute than having one stab wound to the stomach, you know!”

 

“We’re gonna wait for someone to come for us! Someone will surely come! We can’t be stuck here forever!”

 

“Heehee, and have all of them explode as they try to run to you! I like that idea! We’ll get along!”

 

“T-That’s not—”

 

“This is so despair-inducing to watch… I love it… Anyway, I guess you all need one more push…” They sigh. “I know you… all of you… your names, your addresses—by extension, your relatives… I could easily bomb your houses now if I'm in the mood…”

 

“Fuck off! Stop making shit up!”

 

“That’s good, but it’d be so boring… Bombs just aren’t fun anymore…” They ignored all the replies to them. “Well, you know… we can just end this and act like nothing ever happened… You can peacefully go to your homes tonight and sleep without any worries…”

 

Like hell am I going to trust whoever’s saying this.

 

That’s what I think, yet I still can’t help but listen to what they're going to say next.

 

“Gyahahaha, and the next fucking day, you'll just find out that some goddamn cops are waiting to get you! Surprise, bastards, looks like they found out that you murdered someone! After that, you'll get expelled! And ya know, I don’t freaking understand why y’all are acting so boohoo-I'm-scared about killing yourselves when killing isn’t new to you! Just—fucking pick up something and stab yourself! It’s not that fucking hard!”

 

Jailed and expelled…

 

That, or death…

 

I don’t want to die. But if I'm going to get jailed and expelled at the same time, I can’t even imagine what disgrace I’ll give myself and my family.

 

Haha, this is so pathetic… Look at me thinking of honor over my life.

 

Someone screams again, and my back immediately starts to feel cold when I see why they screamed.

 

Some of us already did it.

 

Some of us already did it because of what they said.

 

I'm shaking. I can’t tear my eyes away from them. Blood is pooling underneath their bodies as they lie on the floor. I want to look away. I want to look away.

 

But I can’t.

 

I don’t want to die.

 

“Gyahahaha, good fucking job! I'm so goddamn proud of them! They're all better than all of you fuckers!”

 

I stare at the pair of scissors in front of me.

 

And then I saw him.

 

My friend.

 

I start to shake even more. What's going on?

 

He points to the scissors, and he points to his stomach. It’s bleeding. There's so much blood. I can’t stop my tears. Why is he here?

 

He points to the scissors again, and this time, he points to me.

 

‘ _You're a traitor._ ’

 

‘ _This is the best you could do to redeem yourself._ ’

 

‘ _Traitor._ ’

 

I don’t want to die. But suddenly, picking up the scissors seems to feel like the correct decision.

 

He smiles so happily when I crouch down to pick up the scissors. That genuine smile—it’s been so long since I've last seen it. He smiled that way so easily and so frequently before we went to Hope’s Peak. The last time was when we watched the fireworks together that one last summer before we get into the academy—

 

Haha, this is funny. I can clearly remember how the fireworks looked and how happy his eyes were watching them, how warm he was next to me.

 

My hand is shaking as I thrust the scissors in my stomach.

 

I cried out. I feel like I was burning. I take it out, and I stabbed myself again. And again. And again. Four times just like I did with him.

 

He's gone.

 

He's gone as I feel myself falling to the floor.

 

I'm so sorry for being like this.

 

I didn’t want you to die.

 

I don’t know what I was thinking either.

 

I'm sorry.

 

\--

 

\--

 

“Hi, it’s been a while. I’ve been trying to reach you. You know that, right? Were you ignoring me on purpose? Is it okay to say that I feel a little upset because of that?”


	2. Non-collinear points

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Trust is something that will definitely come biting you if you give it to the wrong person, but it also yields beautiful results if it’s with the right one.
> 
> That’s why, make sure that you pick well, alright?”
> 
> warnings: manipulation, abusive relationships, detailed description of a murder (homicide...?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, last chapter: no more disappearing acts from me  
> me: disappears for 11037 years
> 
> i really didn't mean to! i wasn't feeling very good mentally ahahaha pfff i'm really sorry;;;; and i started to feel really anxious about updating... i'm still anxious rn but i thought i had to face my fears
> 
> anyway!! i'm gonna start posting the updates in this particular work for easier access. i'm upsetting people with my old updating format, and i don't want people to be uncomfy so!!
> 
> Project Hope Log#9: http://partridgeonapeartree.tumblr.com/private/167147695292/tumblr_oyxlibUCG61s8t9gp

“Hi, it’s been a while. I’ve been trying to reach you. You know that, right? Were you ignoring me on purpose? Is it okay to say that I feel a little upset because of that?”

 

Komaeda is biting his lower lip, his eyes directed to the ground. Naegi doesn’t know whose luck is at work at the moment, but Komaeda happened to be in a place just less than half an hour from the Reserve Course Department’s poor copy of Hope’s Peak.

 

Or if it’s a work of luck in the first place.

 

Komaeda went absent in such a way that makes it obvious that he was avoiding others. He hasn’t been attending his classes, and he hasn’t been picking up his phone. Naegi tried waiting outside his dorm room too, but Komaeda was insistent on not answering.

 

Rather disrespectful.

 

Of course, Ikusaba was still able to track him down and continued her task in hand, but Naegi told her not to interfere. He told her to relay her observations, but that’s it.

 

According to Ikusaba, Komaeda has been lurking around the offices of Hope’s Peak, seemingly paying extra attention to the offices of the people who have something to do with Project Hope. Naegi’s admittedly curious how much Komaeda knows by now and what gave him the idea in the first place to start searching, but honestly, the strongest feeling that Naegi must be feeling at the moment is—

 

“…I'm sorry.” Komaeda finally speaks, his eyes still aimed to the ground. “I guess we do need to talk, huh?”

 

—The strongest feeling that he must be feeling at the moment is anger.

 

Not that that’s anything new.

 

“I agree.” Naegi chuckles. He sits on the nearest bench he could see in this obscure and generic park, and Komaeda follows. He doesn’t sit as near as he would usually. How cold. “If it’s okay, first, I’d like to know why you were avoiding me.”

 

“I'm really sorry, Makoto-kun… Are you mad?”

 

“To be honest…” He lets out a sheepish chuckle. “Well, as I said, I was a little upset. It’s mainly because I honestly have no clue what's going on, but I'm sure that if you explain, I’ll forget that I’ve even been upset in the first place!”

 

To be honest, he felt so disrespected. The last person who has had the audacity to be this impudent to him ended up on the bottom of the slide with an injured skull. Komaeda, though—Naegi can’t hurt him because of reasons.

 

Besides, he's special, after all.

 

“Ah…” It was true, though. At the moment, Naegi has a limited understanding of what's going on which is another source of great discomfort for him. He doesn’t have a clue yet what triggered this sudden change in behavior for Komaeda. He doesn’t have a clue yet what Komaeda is thinking at the moment. “Thank you for being so understanding like always, Makoto-kun. Seriously, I don’t deserve it. I know it’s quite impertinent of me to treat you that way. It doesn’t excuse my actions at all, but I’d just like to say at least that what happened wasn’t because of you. I’ve just been really preoccupied with something. I'm sorry…”

 

How pretty this apology would be if he had a broken skull too. “Preoccupied?”

 

“There are things I’ve been trying to confirm.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Haha, I…” Naegi didn’t expect to hear that chuckle here, although forced it was. “I'm scared of upsetting you, Makoto-kun. I don’t want you to hate me.”

 

“I don’t think I’d ever hate you, Nagito-kun. But as for my being upset, well… I already told you that I am, since I hate having to be dishonest to you. And as I said, as long as you explain all this properly, I'm sure I’d understand.”

 

“I wanted to confirm your talent… that, and Hinata-kun’s.”

 

“That… Ahaha, honestly, Nagito-kun, I don’t know how to react. I think I'm a little hurt… So what did you find?”

 

“I'm sorry, I didn’t want to make you feel that way… but if I keep quiet now, it’d just make you feel worse, right? I’d like to be honest with you… That’s why, Makoto-kun, I'm requesting that you be honest with me too.”

 

Interesting. Naegi wonders what he knows. Naegi wonders which snake whispered something in his ears. The image of Enoshima briefly flashes through his head, but he shakes it off. Sure, it’s something that she would do, but recently, she herself has been preoccupied with handling matters of the Reserve Course Students. Because of all this mess with Komaeda, Naegi didn’t get to be part of those who got close with those people. He had to rely on Enoshima and some of his other classmates.

 

“Have I ever been dishonest to you, Nagito-kun?”

 

“I think… I think you're the only one who could really answer that, right, Makoto-kun?”

 

“I'm really hurt, haha. What happened? Your words aren’t usually this scathing.” Naegi decides to stare at the ground too. “The Nagito-kun I know would always find a way to make me feel comforted. Hey, who are you?”

 

“I'm so sorry. That’s not what I meant.” Naegi feels Komaeda’s hands on his. “It’s not that I'm implying that you’ve always been lying to me. It’s just that it’s true that you're really the only one who’d know what to say to that question, right? And if you’ve been dishonest at any point before, I'm sure you have a good reason for it. That’s why I want to talk… I want to understand you better. If ever I made you feel like you have to hide from me, that would be my fault, right? I want you to be at ease… I know I'm not much, but you can trust me, Makoto-kun.”

 

Ridiculous. Naegi doesn’t think even his mom would be this forgiving if ever she catches his father lying. “I'm too lucky to have you... but Nagito-kun, with the way you're speaking, it sounds like you already know something. Say, what did you learn about me?”

 

“You're probably tired of hearing about this already, but… it’s about that pen.”

 

Naegi hums. “What about it? Did you choose to believe Hinata-kun’s account instead of mine, after all?”

 

“Please don’t put it that way… It’s not because I trust him more than you. It’s just that… I know now. The truth about what he is.”

 

“What truth?”

 

“You already know this, right? Hinata-kun is nothing but a Reserve Course Student.”

 

“Oh… That. Yes, I do know. I'm so sorry for hiding it from you.” Naegi sighs. “He told me repeatedly that he wants to keep hiding it from you at all costs. I didn’t want to upset him, so every single day, I feel guilty because I know that I'm hiding something from you. I'm sorry.”

 

“…That’s exactly why I chose to believe him.”

 

“Am I hearing correctly? You're implying, Nagito-kun, that a Reserve Course Student is more reliable than me?”

 

“I’d never imply something like that!” It was dark in the park. There was nothing but a lone streetlight that occasionally blinks serving as their light source. Despite this, Naegi could clearly see Komaeda’s eyes. They were doing that thing again—that thing where they look like they don’t know what to feel, that thing where they look like illuminated darkness itself. “Haha, see, Makoto-kun, I respect you greatly! Your hope, your intelligence, you yourself—every part of you is something I regard way superior to me, than any Reserve Course Student out there! I mean, you're the Super High School Level Hope, after all!”

 

Komaeda’s hold on his hands tightens. “I don’t think I understand where you're getting at, Nagito-kun.”

 

“Someone like Hinata-kun, a mere Reserve Course Student, a nobody who doesn’t even have a talent—someone like him won’t be capable of coming up with such a detailed story, stick by it, and look earnest while doing so! The fact that he's utterly unremarkable is what makes me believe in what he said, but that just proves how superior you are!”

 

How funny. If Hinata were here, Naegi’s sure that he too would have a funny reaction. “You shouldn’t let your biases cloud your judgment, Nagito-kun. From what you're saying, you believe that I lied to you because I have a talent, and you believe that Hinata-kun didn’t because he doesn’t.”

 

“It doesn’t matter that you lied. I'm not upset at all, even just a bit!” His hands transfer to cup Naegi’s face, and Naegi makes eye contact with his fervid eyes. “You must have had a good reason that someone like me won’t be able to comprehend! You're the Super High School Level Hope, I'm sure whatever you're doing is for the sake of hope! Hope’s Peak couldn’t have chosen a wrong talent for you, right? But I'm asking you to be honest because whatever it is, I’d support you. I promised you that I’d die for you, even! You don’t have to hide from me. I will understand. You're Hope, and as long as you're Hope—”

 

Naegi places a finger on his lips.

 

Komaeda blinks. Just like that, the frenzy in his eyes seems to have been wiped away.

 

“I missed being this close to you.” Naegi whispers. “I was so worried about you. I didn’t know where you were, I didn’t know what you’ve been doing, and you haven’t been talking to me. I thought, maybe, you started to hate me.”

 

Naegi removes his finger from Komaeda’s lips, and Komaeda removes his hands from Naegi’s face too. “I can never hate you… I'm really sorry I made you feel that way.”

 

“You still love me, right?”

 

“Of course I still love you, Makoto-kun. I don’t think I’ll stop anytime soon.”

 

“If I tell you everything about me like you asked, I wonder if you'd still be able to say that.”

 

“What I feel won’t change anytime soon.”

 

“You're not mad at all that I lied to you?”

 

“I mean it when I say not at all… If it’s you, I know it’d be because your actions are a part of a greater picture, one that would undoubtedly lead to greater hope.”

 

Naegi smiles. “Really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“It’s unfair, Nagito-kun. That you're requesting me to be honest when you can’t even do it yourself.” Naegi sighs. He places a hand on Komaeda’s chest. “You felt betrayed. But you don’t think it’s right to feel that way, do you?”

 

“…”

 

“You think that I must know what I'm doing—everything you're saying is true; that you want to understand me better, that you think my actions must have a greater meaning that you don’t know yet—so you think that you have no right to feel betrayed. Despite that, you still felt betrayed, didn’t you? And since you don’t think you should feel that way, you're convincing yourself that you're not upset at all.”

 

“…I'm sorry.”

 

“Shhh, it’s fine.” Naegi smiles again. “Always torn between what you feel and what you think you deserve to feel, aren’t you? That’s not very healthy, Nagito-kun. Feelings are feelings. They're not something that you have to explain.”

 

“I'm sorry. I fully believe that I have no right to feel that way, and that’s why it’s just right if we disregard that I ever did. What I feel doesn’t matter, so I think we should just focus on discussing your reasons now… I promise I’ll do my best to understand you whatever they are.”

 

“It’s not good to just dismiss that kind of feeling. Despite your best intentions and earnest beliefs that you shouldn’t feel that way, you'll inevitably express your aggression knowingly or unknowingly, passive-aggressively or otherwise, if you don’t get to express it properly now. That’s why, before everything else, I want you to talk to me about what you felt.”

 

“I promise it doesn’t matter… I’ll never forgive myself if ever I express any form of aggression towards you.”

 

“Ignoring all my attempts of contact is an example. Why do you think you did that? From what I know about you, Nagito-kun, that’s something that you normally won’t want to do, too.”

 

“I'm sorry. I'm not proud of what I’ve done…”

 

This is getting really annoying.

 

“I know you're sorry, but see, I'm just concerned about you. It’s admirable that you'd want to be honest with me, but I think you should be honest with yourself too. You can’t help what you felt. You felt betrayed, and it’s not your fault that you did.”

 

“I'm so sorry… You're being too considerate, I don’t deserve it.”

 

“Shhh, it’s nothing. I mean, I want to understand you better too. So let’s talk about that, okay?”

 

“Okay… it’s just like what you said. I felt betrayed. But see, it doesn’t make sense that I did. That’s why I don’t know how to talk about it.”

 

“Then let’s make sense of it together. But for us to do that, you'll have to be completely honest, okay? It doesn’t matter if you think what you feel is wrong or not. What matters is that it’s what you felt, and that’s all we need for it to be valid.”

 

Guilt is all over Komaeda’s face. Just like Naegi wanted.

 

“Thank you…”

 

“Well, I’ll try my best to help! Let’s see… People who usually tell me they feel betrayed also feel that they’ve been hurt. Did you feel that I hurt you?”

 

“Of course not! You’ve been nothing but kind to me… Even up until now, even if I ignored you for so long, you're still doing your best to understand me…”

 

“As I said, you don’t have to explain everything when it comes to these things. It doesn’t matter if I’ve been kind. What matters is if I might have hurt you, even if it’s unintentional… Did I?”

 

“…No. I don’t know. I guess what I felt was that… I got scared that maybe I don’t know who you are all this time.”

 

“I see. I think it’s helpful that you know and acknowledge that you felt that too.” Naegi hums, lightly rubbing his chin. “So it’s fear and betrayal together. I did something that you didn’t expect I would, so now you fear that you don’t know me as well as you thought.”

 

“I think so…”

 

“If that’s so, then that’s completely fine, Nagito-kun. You don’t have to feel guilty for feeling the way you did.”

 

“I'm really sorry.”

 

“Now that we have identified that, then I think we can move on from there. To fix that problem, I guess I’ll have to tell you everything about me so that you'd be able to feel once again that you know who I am, right?”

 

“I'm sorry, I don’t want to compel you to tell me absolutely everything! Just that, if ever you felt you couldn’t tell me something for whatever reason, I want you to know that I’ll always help you out… even if it’s something that others could deem ‘wrong’… as long as it’s you, Makoto-kun. You're the Super High School Level Hope, so—”

 

Naegi smiles. “Really now?”

 

“I mean it.”

 

“Even if I tell you that I wanted Hinata-kun to fail his test?”

 

“…Even if you do.”

 

“See, you're hesitating already!” Naegi chuckles. “How will I believe what you're saying, Nagito-kun, when you're like this? How will I believe that you'd be willing to die for me when the time comes?”

 

“I'm sorry… It’s all because I still don’t understand why, but as I said, I'm willing to understand if you just tell me. If the Makoto-kun I knew wasn’t who you really are, then… I know for sure that I want to get to know you better. I didn’t mean to promise false things to you.”

 

Naegi hums. The streetlight flickers again. “A version of me that isn’t hopeful isn’t me at all… I remember you saying something like that back then. So whoever I am, it must be someone hopeful. Is that what you're thinking?”

 

“Yes. And like I said before, I do care greatly about you too.”

 

Naegi nods, letting out a chuckle. “Thanks to you, Nagito-kun, my hope has been renewed. I was so, so scared that you'd hate me if you find out that I might be not the kind of person you thought I was. I guess I'm the lucky one here, after all, for having you.”

 

“I should be the one saying that. You're always trying your best to understand me, so it’s just right that I do the same for you.”

 

“Then I promise I’ll tell you.” Naegi smiles. “You trust me, right?”

 

“I do trust you, Makoto-kun.”

 

“That’s great! Since you trust that I’ll follow through with my words, you'll be fine with waiting a bit, right? I mean, I do want to tell you… but first, I’d like to ask what you’ve been up to during your absence, Nagito-kun. You did say you were confirming our talents, but I think that would last only for a day—a couple of days at most—right? What else have you been doing then?”

 

“Nothing much, really.” Komaeda replies. Interesting. “It just took me long because I'm waiting for the perfect time I could get in without getting caught by anyone.”

 

It’s disappointing that Komaeda is lying right now. It seems like it’s not only Naegi who has been misjudged here. If Naegi didn’t know better, he would definitely believe that. According to Ikusaba, Komaeda was able to get in the offices successfully each time.

 

He could call him out here now, but if he does that, Komaeda would find out that he's being watched which would definitely make him even warier than he is now.

 

Hah, now he's really curious what Komaeda found out. Funny it might be but he too is feeling quite betrayed now.

 

Oh, well, guess he’ll just have to let out his aggression in another way.

 

“I understand. I believe you. After all, it’s just like you to be so cautious.” Naegi smiles and reaches out to touch Komaeda’s hair. “…Ah, I really missed you. It’s almost overwhelming how much.”

 

“I missed you too, Makoto-kun.” Komaeda leans to his touch. “I'm sorry for being gone for so long…”

 

“Hey, Nagito-kun… If it’s you, you'll definitely understand, right?” Naegi lets out a sheepish smile. “I did promise that I’ll tell you everything… but I don’t think I'm ready to do so right away. You'll understand if I’ll have to ask you to wait a little longer, right?”

 

Honestly, Naegi would have spilled some beans right away if only Komaeda didn’t lie now. He was even thinking of showing Komaeda the spectacle that unfolded in the Reserve Course. But ah, what a disappointing turn of events.

 

“I could wait. I definitely won’t want to rush you.”

 

“I really think I'm too lucky to have someone as understanding as you.” Naegi smiles, scratching the back of his head. “Sometimes, I feel like you're the only one I could really trust. You make me feel safe in ways that even you probably don’t realize, Nagito-kun. So thank you for being in my life.”

 

That’s right. Be guilty. Die in guilt. “I should be the one thanking you for everything, you know…”

 

“I just felt like I should show my appreciation more. You're perfect. You deserve it. But anyway,” Naegi holds his hand. “Is it alright if I ask again why you were avoiding me? Was it really an unintentional way to show that you're mad?”

 

“I guess it was… At that time, I didn’t really know though. I just felt that it won’t be right if I talk to anyone. I haven’t really been seeing or talking to anyone, to be fair, but I guess I should have known better that you deserve to be an exception. I'm sorry.”

 

“Haha, it seems I really angered you...” Naegi sighs. “Was choosing to believe Hinata-kun about the pen enough to gauge this reaction? Was it my hiding from you that I know he's a Reserve Course Student all along? Or did you learn some other things?”

 

“Well… There are some other things.”

 

“Can you tell me?”

 

Komaeda bites his lower lip. “I found out that—Say, Makoto-kun, did you really want Hinata-kun to fail his test?”

 

Naegi smiles. “Is that really relevant?”

 

“Because…” Komaeda hesitates. “Because Hinata-kun claims that you wanted him to fail his test, that you admitted that you gave that pen to him with that intention. I mean, as I said, I’ll do my best to understand you completely even with things that others might deem wrong. But I just… I want to hear directly from you.”

 

“Wait, let me make sure though that we’re not getting lost. You mentioned this when I asked if there are other things that caused your avoidance of me. Is this one of the reasons?”

 

Komaeda bites his lower lip. “Because that kind of made my fear of not knowing you stronger, haha… I couldn’t imagine that you'd do something like that. But as I said, once you explain—”

 

Naegi hums, lightly rubbing his chin. “So you mean to say, Nagito-kun, that you really did avoid me because I did something you didn’t understand. And until I explain, you'll be harboring this upset feeling for me. Which means that if ever I do choose to not explain, you won’t be there for me until the end the way you promised because avoiding me is much more convenient.”

 

“No! You’ve got that wrong, Makoto-kun!”

 

Naegi laughs. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to alert you! But anyway, please do explain to me what you mean then because that really is the impression that I'm getting from all this.”

 

“…Haha… ha…” Komaeda grabs his own hair tightly. “…I really can’t do anything right! That’s not what I wanted you to feel!”

 

Naegi tries to pry Komaeda’s hands away from his hair. “Nagito-kun, you'll hurt yourself…”

 

Then and there, Naegi’s heart seems to have stopped beating.

 

Komaeda lets out a long laugh, the kind that Naegi has never heard from the other before. It sounded pained and out of breath, totally unlike the relaxed airy chuckles he usually lets out.

 

That moment, Naegi wonders if he really was the only one who was judged wrongly between the two of them.

 

“That’s not what I wanted you to feel, Makoto-kun!” Komaeda tightly clasps Naegi’s hands again. “I just want to get to know you better! That’s really all I want! Please use me however you see fit. I don’t care if it’s something that would harm me! But just, I wish I understood what goes on in your head so that I could assist you better!”

 

Komaeda starts to bury his nails on Naegi’s hands. “I’ll tell you someday.”

 

“You can tell me now! I won’t complain about things being too sudden! I’ll gladly swallow my feelings of surprise if it’s for you!” Komaeda scoots closer to him. “If it’s you—if it’s you, I know that the final outcome of all this would be that hope that I’d like to see! That hope that is strong enough to overcome any kind of despair would surely be from no one else but you! That’s why my feelings about this won’t matter! I'm just an insignificant piece of trash! Even if I get surprised, even if I feel betrayed, I’ll get over it! So please just—!”

 

“You're hurting me.”

 

“…Ah.” That was when Komaeda realizes that his hold on Naegi’s hand had been due to his nails at some point. There was panic in his eyes when he sees the numerous crescent-shaped marks on Naegi’s skin, and he immediately lets go of Naegi’s hands as if they were on fire. “I'm—”

 

“It’s okay, don’t apologize.” Naegi caresses his own hands. “You're usually calmer than this though, Nagito-kun.”

 

“…I'm sorry, haha, I'm such a disappointment to you—”

 

“I said it’s okay, didn’t I?” Naegi quickly interrupts and cups his face. “If you really want me to be honest to you though, then I request that you do the same. I’ll tell you everything if you tell me everything that you're hiding too.”

 

“I'm not hiding anything from you, Makoto-kun.”

 

“If you insist that, then I’ll insist the same thing.” Naegi sighs and lets go of his face. “It’s not that I don’t trust you… It’s just that I know that everybody has something to hide. So I won’t believe it if you say that. I'm sorry, Nagito-kun.”

 

“…I'm sorry too. I should know better than try tricking you. Just the thought itself is so impudent, I feel even more disgusted with myself right now, haha.” Komaeda bites his lower lip. “There's something that I’d like to do by myself… and that’s why I didn’t want to tell you about it. It’s not because I'm making it a point to hide it from you or anything like that. I just wish I could do it on my own.”

 

“So there _is_ something.” Naegi chuckles. “That kinda hurts though, Nagito-kun. I mean, I was under the impression that your goals are my goals the same way mine are yours. Of course, whatever it is, I would like to help you, but you seem to be insistent on not letting me know about it.”

 

“I keep on upsetting you… You don’t deserve this. I'm sorry.”

 

“If you let me know everything, then I’ll do the same.” Naegi leans forward and kisses his forehead. “That’s a promise. After all, the only reason why I don’t want to initiate things is that I'm worried you might choose to run away if you hear what I have to say.”

 

The prisoner’s dilemma, although a completely different situation, loosely reminds Naegi of this. It’s such a popular example that it gets changed a lot, but the version that Naegi knows is that it’s about two arrested individuals who committed a crime. They were confined separately and were asked about what happened. If both of them choose to remain silent, they’ll only be incarcerated for a year. If both of them choose to betray the other, they both will be jailed for two years.

 

If, however, one remains silent and the other betrays, the traitor gets to go free, and the one who kept quiet will have to be imprisoned for three years.

 

Although it’s plain to see from an outsider’s point of view that keeping quiet would have been the better option for both, the incentive to betray exists. And couple that with the absence of communication of the parties due to solitary confinement—ah, Naegi knows perfectly that failure in communication clouds even the most rational of minds.

 

This situation still is quite far from the original prisoner’s dilemma though, but the fear of not knowing what Komaeda is hiding after he reveals his own secrets gives him a loosely similar sense of paranoia. But Naegi acknowledges that maybe someday he’d get put in a more similar situation, especially considering the things he plans to do.

 

“I won’t run away. I promise that too, Makoto-kun.” Komaeda replies. “Please go first if it’s not too much to ask.”

 

This has to be the most defiant behavior he has seen from Komaeda. “Nagito-kun, I want you to go first. I mean, haha, you always say that you'll do anything for me, yet you keep on avoiding this even if it’s so obvious that this is what I wanted. Do I really have to say it word for word? Directly saying my requests is kind of embarrassing, you know.”

 

“…You’re right. I'm sorry. You're right. Haha, I can’t believe that I’ve been acting so disrespectful! Scum like me dared to act like I had the right to demand things from someone like you!”

 

“Hey, now, you don’t have to go that far…” Naegi puts a hand on Komaeda’s. “Just tell me, please?”

 

“Hinata-kun…” Komaeda bites his lower lip. “Hinata-kun confessed to me.”

 

Ah.

 

It took everything of Naegi to not show the disappointment that he feels.

 

Maybe he really did trust Komaeda because he can’t deny the strong feeling of betrayal that he had when he heard that. Why is Komaeda so insistent on hiding that he went to the offices a lot of times? This revelation is obviously nothing but a distraction.

 

It’s a good tactic. If forced to admit something, admit something that sounds like a secret too but one that you would mind getting revealed less. One would seem more genuine with this tactic, and it would have worked on anyone else. But not Naegi. 

 

“What about it?” Naegi asks. “Is that something relevant enough to affect us? Though I guess I am interested… When did he do that? I mean, when you were wondering about the possibility of him liking you, that was when he already disappeared, right? Did you find a way to contact him? Is he okay?”

 

“Yes.” Liar. “I relentlessly contacted his parents, and they finally let me talk to him a few days ago.”

 

Liar. “Seriously? Well, this means that he's really, really safe, so I'm happy! But anyway… What about his confession then? Did it confuse your feelings? Haha, I'm getting kind of worried here, Nagito-kun…”

 

“I'm not sure what I really felt… but all I know is that I'm still in love with you, so it couldn’t be that my feelings got confused by it.”

 

“Why are you bringing it up then?”

 

“Ah, because… it’s something that I was hiding from you. I thought it might upset you if you found out that he has feelings for me, so I didn’t tell…”

 

“Thank you for always thinking about me.” Naegi smiles. “But seriously, I don’t blame him for liking you. As far as I'm concerned, you're a really likable person, Nagito-kun. I’d be more surprised if he didn’t like you, to be honest.”

 

“I can say the same about you! Honestly, I think some of your classmates have feelings for you… They're all better than me, and I always wonder if I deserve you or not. I'm just getting in the way of you being with people who could make you happier.”

 

“But a relationship isn’t a question of if someone deserves someone, right? I mean, I think, as long as we love each other, that’s good enough. You're the one I chose, and you chose me. That’s good, right?”

 

“I apologize in advance if I sound really impudent about this, but… I wonder if it’s okay to ask… how close you and Enoshima-san are.”

 

Naegi certainly wasn’t expecting that. This diversion is going on for too long already. He wonders if it’s good to continue going along with it. “Haha, is that a serious question, Nagito-kun? I'm committed to only you, and she's committed to only Matsuda-kun! Besides, we really don’t regard each other that way. Sure, Enoshima-san says some weird stuff to me sometimes, but I know she doesn’t really mean any of those. My mother also deeply drilled into my head that cheating is bad. No matter what terrible things I might do, I’ll never cheat on you, Nagito-kun.”

 

“It’s not that I doubt your fidelity. It’s just that I really am not good enough for you that choosing someone else would definitely be the more rational choice.”

 

“Alright. I don’t really understand where you're getting at, Nagito-kun, but is this a roundabout way of telling me that you don’t want to be with me anymore?”

 

“N-No! Not at all!” Panic was immediately in Komaeda’s eyes. “Losing you is one of the things that I fear the most right now—actually, I think it might be really the one thing that I fear the most!”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“I mean it—”

 

“Then tell me the truth about everything, Nagito-kun.” Naegi smiles. “Or else I’ll really leave you for good.”

 

“…”

 

“Well?”

 

“…Haha, I remember you asking me to stay with you forever until death does us part.”

 

Naegi raises an eyebrow. “I also remember you saying that you'll always do your best to support me, so what's your point?”

 

“Haha, you're right! How impertinent of me to talk back to you!”

 

Naegi’s starting to get really pissed. Has Komaeda always been this difficult? “I'm sorry.” Naegi sighs and temporarily palms his face. “I didn’t mean that, Nagito-kun. Did I hurt you?”

 

“Haha, no, it’s perfectly—”

 

Naegi immediately hugs him to keep him from talking any further. Ah, now that Naegi thinks about it, it’s been a while since they last hugged. “I love you. Are you mad at me?”

 

“I love you too… I'm not mad in the slightest.” Komaeda pauses. Naegi wonders what kind of face he's making at the moment. “If anything… maybe you're the one who's mad at me, Makoto-kun.”

 

“I love you, and I’ll never want to leave you.” Naegi repeats as he pulls away. “But if you continue to not tell me what you're hiding, I’d take it as a respectful way of yours to say that you do want me to leave. So even if it hurts me, I’ll do it to respect you.”

 

“I don’t want you to leave… I’ll never want you to leave.”

 

“If you don’t tell me, you do.” Naegi lets out a sheepish laugh. “I mean, it all makes sense, doesn’t it? You avoid me for so long, and now that we finally get to talk, you make it clear to me that you're hiding something from me! Not only that, you rather discuss that Hinata-kun has feelings for you. I get the hint, you know. You don’t want me around anymore. I guess you liked Hinata-kun more than you let on.”

 

“M-Makoto-kun, you’ve got it all wrong.”

 

“No, I know I'm right.” He has never had to fake crying before, so he doesn’t have practice for that yet, but he really would want to start crying right now if only he could. “You always talk about my finding someone better, but in truth, maybe you're really the one who found someone better than me. Can you at least tell me where I went wrong?”

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, I mean it! I'm sorry, please listen to me. It’s not true that I don’t want you around anymore. You're the only one I have at this point, and if I lose you too, I won’t have anyone at all. You're very important to me. That’s something that I know for sure, Makoto-kun, no matter what kind of person you are.”

 

“Important, huh?” Naegi chuckles. “Yes, I guess you always say that… but honestly, I can’t feel it right now. Am I really important to you, Nagito-kun? Or is my talent more important?”

 

“You're important to me, Makoto-kun! I'm so sorry that I don’t know how to express myself properly. I've been trying to clarify everything since earlier, but it seems like all I'm doing is just making things worse… ah, why is this… so difficult…”

 

“If I'm important to you, prove it. Tell me what I’ve been asking from you since earlier.” Naegi bites his lower lip. “Because it really hurts… When you were absent, I couldn’t help but feel that maybe I'm not as important as I thought I was. But you know what I did? I chose to trust you, Nagito-kun. I chose to believe that I'm important even if what you're doing is pointing against that. Yet now… this is happening.”

 

“I-I'm sorry. You don’t deserve to get hurt like this. You deserve so much better—”

 

“Stop it.” Komaeda immediately stops. Naegi forces a chuckle. “If you're just saying that because you don’t want me to get hurt, you really shouldn’t continue. It’s just going to hurt me more, to be honest.”

 

Naegi stands up from the bench. He wonders how it’s going in the Reserve Course. Is everyone dead yet?

 

Komaeda starts to look panicked when Naegi stood up. Despite Komaeda’s constant self-deprecation, Naegi dares to say that he actually found the other’s presence quite soothing. Right now, however, it’s so exhausting, and he isn’t really sure how much more he can hold off his anger.

 

It’s annoying, but he must have underestimated the stress that he’ll get from this meeting. Ah, what's happening to him? It’s as if recently he's been disappointingly messy.

 

“If you're not going to say anything anymore, then I guess it’s time for me to leave.” Naegi chuckles as he stares at the streetlight. They really ought to change that streetlight already. The way it flickers here and there gets a bit distracting. “I'm really in love with you, you know? I wish it could have worked out—”

 

“…No.” Naegi feels Komaeda’s hand grabbing his wrist a little bit too tightly. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please don’t leave. I’ll tell you everything. I'm sorry. Don’t leave.”

 

Naegi turns around to face him. The look of utter despair on Komaeda’s face would be something that Enoshima would enjoy for sure.

 

“Alright.” He lets himself get pulled back to where he was sitting before. “I’ll listen.”

 

“…Hinata-kun left a letter for me.”

 

“He did?” When did he even get the time? And when exactly did Komaeda see that letter? The surgery already happened, Naegi even already met Kamukura, but Komaeda didn’t pull his absence trick right away. That just means that he must have seen the letter at a later time.

 

Maybe Hinata left it somewhere in Komaeda’s things. Komaeda did mention, after all, that Hinata’s parents came to take Hinata’s belongings. Hinata wouldn’t have risked having his letter accidentally taken away where Komaeda would never see it.

 

So annoying. He can’t believe Hinata remains to be annoying now that he's gone.

 

Not to mention, even Kamukura gets on his nerves. Acting as if he's the superior Super High School Level Hope, his obvious insubordination, trying to reveal Naegi’s identity to the student council—

 

And his overall existence.

 

Really angers Naegi.

 

But he's good at what he does, so Naegi has to play nice. And considering that Kamukura is basically a murderer in the eyes of Hope’s Peak now—a failed experiment—then Naegi’s official title is safe.

 

There's also the fact that he's partly responsible for Kamukura’s existence anyway, so there's that.

 

“Yes, that’s right. I found it just before I went away for a while.”

 

“So it definitely is because of that letter why you did that. Did he turn you against me?”

 

“I don’t think that was his intention… but it’s not like I’ll side with a Reserve Course Student over you.”

 

“Right.” Naegi lets out a chuckle. “Though didn’t you say earlier that the reason why you believed him over me was because he was a Reserve Course Student?”

 

“Makoto-kun… Even if I believe him, I’d still take your side.”

 

Naegi wanted to laugh.

 

That’s right. Believing and taking sides are two different things. He and Hinata were too focused on arguing about who Komaeda would believe, even hurling evidence at each other (and bluffs, though that’s only Naegi), but they were arguing about the wrong thing.

 

Komaeda could believe one but still side with the other.

 

Funny.

 

Naegi could almost still see the lost look in Hinata’s eyes. If he were here right now, Naegi wonders what he’d say.

 

Looks like he’ll never know now.

 

“That really comforts me more than you could ever imagine.” Naegi smiles at him. “Thank you.”

 

“I don’t know why I tried to hide it from you. It didn’t feel right to tell you.” Komaeda bites his lower lip. “…But I realized now that it feels even wrong to separate.”

 

“Tell me what, exactly? Did he ask you to hide something from me?”

 

Komaeda suddenly knew about Hinata being a Reserve Course Student. He also was sniffing around places related to Project Hope. And now, Hinata apparently has given him a letter just before Komaeda went missing in action.

 

Connecting the dots… Did Hinata really come clean about everything like he said he would, after all? Maybe Komaeda’s bringing up of the confession earlier had a mix of the truth with it. It’s a lie that Hinata confessed because of Komaeda’s relentless phone calls, but maybe it’s a truth that he did confess.

 

What kind of messy letter it must be to discuss a love confession, the Reserve Course, and Project Hope at the same time. Probably even Enoshima could write a better letter.

 

But still, Naegi didn’t expect that he’d actually do it. Hinata really was annoying until the end.

 

So it looks like it’s good that Hinata is gone now if he's actually capable of doing unexpected things like this.

 

But then again, maybe Hinata’s actions were fueled by desperation, with that deadline looming over him.

 

“He didn’t want me to tell you about the letter. I mean, I don’t know where he is or if I’ll ever see him again, so I thought that I should honor his possible last request to me, at least. I know he doesn’t matter at all, so why do I still care about him?” Komaeda forces a chuckle. It almost sounds pained. “It’s definitely weird! He's nothing but a Reserve Course Student, after all!”

 

“Well, then, what did he say in the letter, Nagito-kun? Why does he not want me to know about it?” Naegi pauses. “And what do you mean by not being sure where he is, exactly? Didn’t the two of you talk on the phone?”

 

“I lied earlier. I'm sorry.” Komaeda sighs. “We didn’t really talk on the phone… but he did confess in the letter. I don’t think there's anything really specific to hide from you, maybe he just didn’t anyone else to see it because it’s such a personal letter.”

 

Ah, so Naegi’s right about that. But is that really all the reason why Hinata doesn’t want Naegi to see it? “Seriously…? So we aren’t really sure if Hinata-kun’s safe, after all? Just when I thought I could be relieved about that already… I mean, you did say that the last time you talked to his mother, she made it seem like he was okay, but you also said that something felt wrong… and I have faith in your instincts, Nagito-kun.”

 

“Haha, yeah, I'm trying to not think about that because it honestly worries me… He's just a Reserve Course Student, but it’s not like I’ll wish for anyone’s death!”

 

“That’s right… so what else did Hinata-kun say in the letter? I understand if you don’t want to get to the specifics since you said it’s such a personal letter, but if it’s just a confession, I don’t understand why you'd suddenly avoid me… That’s with the assumption that his confession really didn’t confess your feelings, though.”

 

“I still definitely love you! I'm sure of it! But ah, as I said, he talked about the pen again… I'm still not proud of avoiding you, but you're right, it must be really my fear of not really knowing you getting the best of me. I'm sorry.”

 

“So it’s the pen, after all? I thought you said you found out some other things.”

 

“Oh… Well, I found from Hinata-kun’s phone that he contacted you to try to talk to me that time we went to your house. I think this was also around the time you told me that my phone had spam, so you broke my sim card out of worry… You even cleared the files off my phone.” Komaeda immediately continues, as if realizing his words. “I mean, it’s perfectly fine if you really just didn’t want me to talk to him! I just wish you'd tell me so I can be of more assistance...”

 

“If it’s ‘perfectly fine’, as you put, then why would you avoid me for that?”

 

“It’s just the shock, I promise! But from now on, I’ll make sure to keep myself in line better. I’ll never do anything out of impulse again. I'm sorry.”

 

“Haha, wait, don’t misunderstand. It’s not like I'm angry or anything. I just said that because I wish you'd be more honest with yourself.” Naegi smiles. “If you're mad, you should accept that you're mad.”

 

“Thank you for being so understanding… but I think I can say with certainty that my actions were driven mostly by surprise and not of anything else.”

 

“Thank you too. What else did you learn about?”

 

“That’s all. I just overreacted. That’s why I'm really sorry. These aren’t even big deals, yet I…”

 

Komaeda’s not mentioning Project Hope at all. Did Hinata not talk about that? If so, it doesn’t make sense why Komaeda seems to insistently hide that he went to the offices a lot. Plus, it doesn’t make sense that Hinata would choose to hide that when he has revealed a lot of details already. Honestly, with choosing to admit that he's a Reserve Course Student, he has nothing left to lose.

 

Is Komaeda still trying to hide something despite the breakup scare?

 

Disappointing.

 

“Are you sure that’s all?” Naegi hums, rubbing his chin softly. “You're not hiding anything from me anymore, are you?”

 

“I'm not, Makoto-kun.”

 

Disappointing. Now he has to force that information out without being obvious that he's having someone watch Komaeda. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

What a liar. “Alright.” Naegi nods. “So… Did Hinata-kun mention anything about his whereabouts? Did he really get expelled? I'm really worried about him… I know we didn’t end on a good note, but we still bonded quite a bit.”

 

“Ah, yeah, about that… He mentioned that you knew what would happen if he failed. That’s why I wanted to hear from you too if you really wanted him to fail and why…”

 

“And you believe him over me, so whatever I say, it doesn’t really matter, right?” Ah, Naegi wonders if it’s worth it to go along with this topic. “I’ll just come clean to you then since you made it clear that I can trust you… Yes, I did want him to fail, Nagito-kun.”

 

“…Ah.” It’s obvious that Komaeda was hoping that wasn’t the case somehow. He nods afterward, as if having a private conversation with himself, convincing himself that this is fine. _This is Makoto-kun. I have to accept him._ Or something. Probably. “Can you tell me why?”

 

There are so many answers he could go with though only one of them is true. Which one should he choose?

 

Naegi sighs. He cups Komaeda’s face as gently as he could and leans his forehead on Komaeda’s. With this distance, he could feel Komaeda’s heartbeat. He whispers, “It’s because I'm hopelessly in love with you, Nagito-kun.”

 

He feels Komaeda’s face heat up a bit. “…Eh?”

 

“I love you so much. I’ll recognize right away if someone feels for you the way I do with just one look.” Komaeda’s heartbeat quickens. “Even before I talked to you, I already knew he liked you at first glance. I know it’s bad… but when we became together, that was when I decided that I had to get rid of him.”

 

“…Makoto-kun. I'm sorry, I had no idea—”

 

“It’s fine. Listen… Everything that I do is for you and our relationship.” Naegi caresses his cheeks. “I did some terrible things just to make sure we’ll stay together… including getting closer to Hinata-kun and waiting for an opportunity to bring him down. I was sure that you'll leave when you find out that I'm like this—that I'm not the person you thought I was—so I was working hard to hide everything from you. But that’s unfair, isn’t it?”

 

“I still would have accepted you wholeheartedly if you just told me earlier.” Komaeda places his hands on Naegi’s. “Because I'm hopelessly in love with you too.”

 

 _Then just talk about what you're really doing in the offices already!_ “I couldn’t stand Hinata-kun at all, but I pretended I did because he was your best friend. I didn’t want to be more terrible than necessary so whatever assistance and encouragement I offered to him before was genuine, but in fact, I just can’t wait to get him away from you! Do you hate me now that you know the truth?”

 

“Of course not. I _am_ surprised that you regard me this highly—I mean, you’ve always let me know that you loved me, but I didn’t know that you'd go to such lengths. I'm flattered, and I'm not in the position to tell you not to do things that make you feel safe, but…” Komaeda closes his eyes. “I’d just like to tell you that I'm not going anywhere, and no one’s going to take me away from you.”

 

Naegi pulls away. Komaeda opens his eyes. “I still don’t feel safe right now, Nagito-kun.”

 

“Ah… Is there anything I could do to help you feel better?”

 

“I guess so…” Naegi nods. “I want to know what you’ve been doing during your absence, Nagito-kun. All the details of it. I don’t mind if you think it’d be boring details—I want to know everything. Or else I’ll never be able to rest easy.”

 

“I understand.” Komaeda hesitates for a bit before speaking. “The first three days… I just stayed in the dorm room. Mostly all I’ve been doing was sleeping. I’d wake up to take showers and maybe eat some snacks. That’s pretty much all that happened around that time.”

 

“That’s not very healthy… You shouldn’t do that again.”

 

“Haha, yeah, I'm sorry for worrying you! But anyway… The next day, I started reading over and over Hinata-kun’s letter to see what I could do about the things I learned. And then, for ten days, I tried getting in the offices of Hope’s Peak so that I could confirm your and Hinata-kun’s talents. This took me so long because I was trying to find a pattern of when the offices will be safe to enter. I also tried to learn more about the Reserve Course, but there really wasn’t anything aside from that book that I found in the library.”

 

Ah, there's that lie. Naegi’s getting frustrated over the fact that he _knows_ it’s a lie, but he can’t do anything to refute it. But since Komaeda’s lying, maybe he should lie too?

 

Fight fire with fire, alright.

 

Naegi lets out a sigh. “I thought you'd stop lying, Nagito-kun.”

 

“…Lying?”

 

“I thought you'd come clean too when I do. Actually, I know the truth…” Naegi bites his lower lip. “Matsuda-kun saw you, you know. He didn’t stop you because he was curious about what you'd do, and I don’t know if you’ve formally met him, but he never really cares much about things, you know? Or if he does, he doesn’t show it… Haha, honestly, I don’t really know him that well, but anyway, my point is—Nagito-kun, I know that you’ve been in the offices a lot of times, and I'm frankly hurt that you're insisting on lying to me about that despite all the chances I’ve been giving since earlier.”

 

“…Ah.” Ah, indeed. That look of amusing panic never gets old. “I'm—”

 

“Shhh. Don’t apologize.” Naegi can’t keep himself from smiling. “Just explain to me calmly, and it’d be fine.”

 

“…Are you angry? Haha, I can’t, I need to apologize, I'm sorry.”

 

“I'm not. I'm just hurt and a little disappointed, but that’s all. Though as I said, just explain, and it’d be fine, okay?”

 

“It’s that thing that I wanted to do by myself—the one I mentioned before. I swear I'm not making it a point to hide it from specifically you!”

 

“So will you never tell me then what you were really doing, Nagito-kun?”

 

“I'm—”

 

“Wait, before you say anything,” Naegi interrupts. “I don’t know what you’ve been doing. Matsuda-kun said you’ve been really careful about leaving any clues. That’s why, whatever you say right now, there's really no way for me to know better. If ever you lie, your lie would be the truth to me. I’ll be completely defenseless against your words. Are you really fine with that knowledge, Nagito-kun?”

 

“…It’s not like I want to deceive you and take advantage of your trust, Makoto-kun.”

 

“Haha, right! Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you're that kind of person. So?”

 

“What I said before was true. There's something I'm trying to learn more about.” Komaeda bites his lower lip. “I promise I planned to talk to you about it when I feel I know enough. Just that, right now, my knowledge is incomplete, so… I don’t want to talk about something I don’t really know much about.”

 

The ugly thing is that it _is_ true that whatever Komaeda says right now, Naegi would have no way of confirming. If ever Komaeda does know enough by now and just chose to act like he doesn’t, Naegi won’t know. And that’s—

 

Frustrating?

 

Irritating?

 

“I'm sorry if it’s too impertinent of me to ask, but…” Komaeda looks at him. “Do you trust me, Makoto-kun?”

 

Ah. Naegi hates that he too isn’t exempt from this type of situation. To be asked this question is just a reminder that he's still human, after all. He too is still subject to situations where he has no choice but to rely on blind belief.

 

He could almost hear Enoshima laughing at him.

 

Does he trust Komaeda?

 

Trust is the firm belief in someone no matter what. And if Naegi were to be asked, he’d say beliefs don’t make sense. It’s being aware of the possibility that something could go otherwise but still choosing to place faith in something all the same.

 

There isn’t even any basis for it. Sometimes even, circumstances point against it. But people with trust would still believe.

 

Naegi doesn’t think he's the type of person who could do that. He’d know better than anyone how easy it is to deceive others, after all. Just one smile, the correct words to say, the correct way of saying them—you can control and fool people with ease.

 

They say how one looks at the world has something to do with how one looks at oneself. After all, one’s own mind is the mind one is most familiar with. And having the mind of someone who knows how easy it is to lie, to deceive, to take advantage of others—

 

He doesn’t know if he could ever trust anyone or if he even should.

 

He smiles, and Komaeda starts to look relieved.

 

“I don’t know, Nagito-kun.” He lets out a chuckle. “I honestly don’t know.”

 

\--

 

“Ah, this movie reminds me of how I got closer to your mother. Do you want to hear about it, Makoto?” Naegi remembers being asked one time when it was just him and his father in the house. That day, Komaru and their mother decided to go out, leaving just them.

 

“Of course. Mama mentioned she helped you with something, but she didn’t really say much.”

 

“How old are you again, Makoto?” His father idly says, his attention trained on the television.

 

“Seventeen.”

 

“Ah, yeah, going to high school soon, huh… I guess it’s okay to tell you already, after all.” His father briefly looks at him before looking at the television again. “Hahaha, well, after that crayon thing, I felt much closer to you! High school is when people meet their future partners, so alright, I’ll tell you this story.”

 

Naegi nods.

 

“I really, really hate having to rely on others. I'm sure you know what I mean. There's always that feeling that you can do whatever they do better, you know? When someone tries to help and you see their final output, you just wanna cringe in disappointment or something.” His father sighs. “So I was sure that I’ll always work alone because I’ll never see anyone I’ll trust enough to do as well as I would. So then, one time, I was in my apartment with my brother who came over that day. You’ve never met him because he was dead before you were born. But anyway, we were drinking and just talking about random things brothers talk about, you know? Hahaha, not like you'd know since you don’t have a brother, but still!”

 

His father never talked about his brother before. Naegi didn’t even know that he had one. “So then the conversation suddenly took a turn towards money. He started saying things like how I should just go die since between the two of us, I was the only one who got to go to a good school, that I'm a waste of money, that I'm the reason why his life got all messed up. So of course, I can’t let anyone talk to me that way—and not in _my_ apartment!—so I told him to go away and never come back. But then he started talking more, that I ruined his life, that he’d have a better life if I just haven’t been born… I wasn’t thinking clearly at that point, you know? So I smashed the bottle I'm holding to his head, and he immediately passed out. Then I must have done some other things—I don’t really remember clearly, I probably blacked out—because the next thing I knew, he's dead.”

 

His father sheepishly grins at him. “So I got really scared because I didn’t really mean to do that, you know? Sure, he's a good-for-nothing waste of resources, but I wasn’t as bad as to want to kill my own brother! I started panicking and just crying because I wasn’t ready to be jailed and basically throw away my future, you know? Imagine my fear when this cute girl suddenly goes out of my closet! I was sure I was gonna be the murderer of two by the time that night ends!

 

“But then, she suddenly hugged me, telling me that it’s not my fault, and that she's here to help me. She told me to leave everything to her and that she’ll never ever let anything bad happen to me. Over her dead body, she said. Hahaha, basically, I was just being uncool and crying the entire time as I watched her do her stuff! She took some tissue papers from my dining table and started cleaning my brother’s nails. It was really weird to watch especially when you’ve had some alcohol in your system, but she said it was so any of my skin cells that could have been stuck in there would be gone. She burned that tissue afterward.”

 

To Naegi who was relatively more innocent at the time, the conversation was enough to make him feel a bit lightheaded. “Man, looking back, I guess I really outdid myself by being such a loser… I was still helplessly crying when she takes out this knife from my kitchen and just started slashing at my brother’s neck. She apologized and murmured something about how she should have brought her cleaver because using that would have been easier. Anyway, at this point, I started throwing up, and hahaha, I didn’t really watch, because ya know—are _you_ okay?”

 

Naegi nods. He couldn’t really bring himself to speak that time.

 

“Look, Makoto, it’s okay to be uncomfortable. I’d be more worried if you weren’t, even just a bit. But anyway,” His father hums, as if trying to recall what happens next. “So I said I didn’t watch, right? But it seems that after she was done with my brother’s head, she also hacked off his hands. She put his head and hands in two separate cloth bags from under my sink. Then I don’t know why, but she has this pack of gloves with her, and she had us put some before leaving. We used my brother’s car—actually, it wasn’t his, he said he just borrowed it from a friend—to go to this lake that she knows.

 

“Basically, she took complete charge of the situation, and I just followed.” His father laughs. “You'd know I'm not used to that, but for the first time, I took instructions from someone who knows what they're doing completely better than I do, you know? I couldn’t get her off my head the days after. I realized that I won’t be able to take it if I don’t have her to work with me forever. For the first time, I found someone I could rely on, and I wasn’t willing to let the possibility of us pass. So we started talking more often, and that’s basically how it went from there… Now we’re happily married and with two smart kids!”

 

Naegi forces himself to calm down. He can’t let this faze him. It was just a story—there weren’t even visuals—and he knows that with what he wants to do, this was just the start of many. So he puts on a smile as he speaks, “It looks like uncle was your matchmaker, then.”

 

His father laughs again. “I guess so! Anyway, why did I tell this long story again? Right, right, you're going to high school soon, and I thought you might find a partner… I told you this because I know you'd be the type to hate on relying others too, and I understand. I won’t want you to rely on just anyone too because I think having someone whose abilities don’t satisfy you will just frustrate you to no end. And of course I want my boy to be happy! Not only that, here, this is very important—there's also the question of if they’ll betray you or not. Never give your complete trust to just anyone. Trust is something that will definitely come biting you if you give it to the wrong person, but it also yields beautiful results if it’s with the right one.

 

“That’s why,” His father ruffles his hair and grins at him. “Make sure that you pick well, alright?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, wait, it was bromicide


End file.
